My time in Lillehammer has come to a close, but I can look back over the past two weeks and see the growth and awareness that I have gained. Venturing off into a sliding season, alone, was definitely stressful, but it made me learn and accept patience. I am a planner, I like control - I like to know all the details. But if the pandemic has taught us anything, it's that plans have no weight on reality.
Now I am sitting in Winterberg, Germany missing the first day of official training due to two (2) positive Covid-19 tests. I was careful, I wore my mask out in public and my travel plans from Norway to Winterberg were direct. I did everything right. Of course, news that there were several positive tests begs the question of validity on my tests, but by protocol I have to quarantine. I had a PCR test on the morning of 11/16/2021, but my results won't be available till that evening, at the earliest. Therefore, no OT 1. I won't lie, I shed some tears in frustration. How could I test positive if I did everything right? With the teammates I am staying with, I had pause. While they tested negative, I had to quarantine. But if my PCR test return as a positive, by protocol with contact tracing they would be out for the two Winterberg races. A brief moment made me realize, if I hadn't been the one that had tested positive and they had, I would be beside myself. I would've been furious, even though I know they did everything right just as I had.
Even with my apprehension of the results, they shrugged it off "don't worry about it until you have to... this is the risk we all have taken by participating in this sport, we all followed protocol but we all traveled..." In that moment I felt shame. Even with my unknown results, they reassured me with the probability of a botched test and even if it was positive, that was just a risk associated with our sport. There was no rage, no interrogation, no accusations. In the reverse, I know I might not have said anything, but I know I would've carried that weight on my chest and it would've eaten me alive.
So for now, I sit in quarantine counting down the hours, so I can see what will become of my trip. But I have peace. There are things in life you can plan for, avoid and anticipate. But there are many things that blind side you no matter how much preparation you have under your belt. Faulty test or not, this was a lesson; a lesson in letting go of the need for constant control.
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